The pre-beginning: before MrS – the High School Years
Many of my views of sex and relationships have been shaped, I believe, by reading Heinlein since the age of 12. Growing up my family did not have a strong body modesty taboo and I believe this has something to do with my comfortableness with my own body and its sexuality. I started masturbating at 12, I “lost” my virginity at 16. (I apologize for the quotes but per Heinlein = “ ...But don't talk about 'losing' anything, when in fact you will be achieving your birthright, that supreme status of functioning female that your biological inheritance makes possible.”)
Looking around at the activities and entanglements of my fellow students I knew that I was not interested in the drama and hassles I saw inherent in high-school romances. I had things to DO with my life. I didn't want to waste time with petty romances and waiting for some boy to call for a date (Blech!). The concept of “love” I was fairly ambivalent about, I wasn't really sure it existed (to be fair, this is a concept that is still troublesome to me). It seemed me that “love” was something that horny people convinced themselves they were “in” to justify the fact that they wanted to have sex with someone. Since I was perfectly happy accepting that there were plenty of people that I was sexually attracted to, the whole “love” aspect seemed an unnecessary complication.
When I decided to become sexually active at the age of 16 it was with careful consideration of what I wanted. For my first sexual experience I chose a friend of mine, call him PianoBoy, who also happened to be the first boy to kiss me (at the age of 12) – for some reason the symmetry of this pleased me. We were friends, we hung out, we had several interests in common, we fooled around intermittently and I would get turned on. I knew that he had slept with, and was sleeping with, a number of girls but never had a “girlfriend”. For a year or two he had been periodically asking “So, when are you going to have sex with me?” and my answer was “Wait until I'm sixteen.” A few weeks after I turned sixteen he asked the same question and my answer was: “Pick me up at 3 on Saturday, bring condoms. But, I have to be home by 7 because I'm going to the Homecoming Dance with some guy.” He did, and we did, and it was fun! (The dance, however, was boring as...well, hell would have been more exciting...not my sort of thing at all – had only agreed to go as a favor to a friend.)
So, having decided that sex was something that I wanted to experience more of – I called Planned Parenthood and got on the pill. Not that I actually ever disclosed this, intentionally, to any of my prospective sex partners – let them think that the condom was their only defense against potential fatherhood and I figured they would be that much more careful. I'm a “suspenders-AND-a-belt” kind of girl – an unintended pregnancy would have interfered with my plans (although I had a back-up plan, of sorts, for that as well – my aunt was having trouble getting pregnant, I was going to a.) run away, b.) call her and offer to have the baby for her to adopt, c.) come home and apologize to my parents.)
From that point on I chose my potential sexual partners from a.) friends that I was sexually attracted to that I thought were “emotionally mature” enough not to presume on our friendship for more than FWB and b.) random boys that I met that I was sexually attracted to that seemed to me to be amenable to my NSA approach to sex. (Girls had not yet hit my consciousness in regards to the range of possible sexual partners...although I had the usual “crushes” in this regard – just not registering on my “sexual attraction” radar.) To back this up I had developed a list of “rules” in my own mind to avoid possible emotional entanglement: a.) no virgins (in my observations, people had a tendency to become 'attached' to their first sexual partner) b.) 'The Rule of 3' – I wouldn't have sex with someone more then three times (in my observations, people had a tendency to become 'attached' to people they had sex with on a regular basis) – in actuality this turned into a 'Rule of 2' – I'm a bit of a hoarder, so I would “save” one sexual encounter with a good partner 'in-case-of-emergency' c.) at any sign of 'attachment' sexual contact stops – say I misread you and after the first sexual encounter you get all “mushy” or start calling me for no reason, or act jealous when I am flirting with others – yup, done.
Contrary to what you may think this actually worked out quite well for me for a few years. The few misunderstandings were cleared up by my friends having a conversation with the boy in question (“It's not that she doesn't want YOU for a boyfriend...she doesn't want a boyfriend at ALL. That's just how she is....”) So I never had to confront the “feelings” side of sex in any significant way...
… and then there is the 'Story of MrS'...