My advice is to keep talking to her about it and processing it. In my own relationship, there are some things that I do more easily with my boyfriend simply because he's not my husband..... it has nothing to do with either of them as people, but the script in my head about what a husband is. I had an controlling step father and my husband is in no way a controlling person, but my first reaction to my husband telling me to do something is to rebel. I don't have that reaction with my boyfriend.
My husband brought it to my attention that this hurt him; that I would just do what my boyfriend told me to and not him. So we talked and processed and talked some more. I've tried to be less rebellious and he has a better understanding of where I'm coming from so he doesn't take it personally.