I think you've gotten one of the biggest pieces. Communication. You all have to be able to sit down and talk about everything that goes on in your relationship. When my wife and I first started out, we had a lot of the same issues/concerns. I needed to make sure that my wife understood that the new excitement was part of ANY new relationship. Had nothing to do with wanting to be with the other person more, it was just...new.
Like others have said, you have to constantly show and reinforce to your wife that you love her and are never going to leave her. In our situation, my wife has always had total "veto" power and she's known that. She knows that she has complete ability to say no to someone that she doesn't feel comfortable with. Whether they be someone I date separate, or bring home. I think that's helped her tremendously.
The other part is to show your wife that you're not hiding anything from her. More importantly, DON'T HIDE ANYTHING FROM HER!!
I know there are going to be things that she might not like, but you won't know that until you tell her. She's also got to understand that until those things come up and she discusses them with you, she can't get upset about them. (IE...handholding in public. If she didn't specify that this was a no no, then she shouldn't get upset with you until AFTER she's already talked to you about it and you decided to do it anyway...not that you would of course)
I know how it feels to want things to work and to feel like you're the one that has to be that catalyst. I think you're doing a great job of trying to make sure that everyone is happy, but in order to really ensure that, you have to have those totally open lines of communication.
Look forward to seeing how things go and please please ask any questions that you might have.