thank you all so deeply for your encouraging mirrors...All 3 of us have been talking SOOOOOOOO much (especially my husband and i), and because I am the one who is going through the biggest challenges, I feel sometimes pressured to get my shit together, and get it together fast, so that we all can continue on some sort of blissful path together....I'm finally realizing that these types of relationships take lots of WORK, together, but most definitely inside yourself...
And I've been clearing and doing soul-work like a freaking olympic champion (if I don't say so myself)....I'm realizing things are going quite quickly: in a blissful moment last week, my husband invited Z along for our trip to visit his mother in Holland (we all live in Germany)...at the time I thought it would be challenging, but fun, but since my bout with depression the past few days, her joining us has been cancelled...it's all too much too soon...I really have to talk with my husband in the morning about this (he's sleeping now)....anyhow, this is just one example of how intense it all has been rolling the past few weeks...less than 6 weeks ago I was in a happy mono marriage, now I am visualizing our girlfriend meeting my mother in law? stop this train, I need to get OFF!
Also coming more and more in peace with the fact that Z is less madly in love with me than my husband, but that there IS a lot of love and respect and nurturing care...between all of us...
Thanks SO so much for these reminders to take things SLOW...I feel like I've been running a marathon, and I need space to recoup and let the dust settle...I do healing work, and I've already made the boundary to not doing anything for a good month: it's totally time to heal myself, to receive, and to re-generate my self-love from a very stable place....I'm anything but stable right now. The past few days I had this pounding headache (i never get headaches) and was so scared that I was becoming depressed (I've never really had true depression before, but it just felt like I was getting covered in it)...my headache has simmered down considerably, and I'm so grateful for that....pheeeeeeew, taking care of myself is a NECESSITY.
I can feel the potential for greatness with all of this, but it's all about staying in the moment for now, staying close to myself, and loving and accepting what is, and not what I want things to be....deep soul-work is this, deeper than anything I've ever experienced.
thanks to all of your support. It is really appreciated....!