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Old 01-30-2012, 01:09 PM
gwendolenthefair's Avatar
gwendolenthefair gwendolenthefair is offline
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: Massachusetts
Posts: 62
Default Not wanting contact with potential metamour

I have an long-distance OSO who is very big on wanting everyone to be friendly and get along.He has a new potential romantic interest (nothing has happened yet, they've only seen each other twice), and he has twice given me her contact information and encouraged me to get in touch with her. The problem is, I feel I can't support him having a relationship with her based on what I know about her. In fact, had he been in a preexisting relationship with her when we met, he and I would not be involved at all.

He did date someone else for a bit a few months ago and I was completely supportive of it. The funny thing was, he didn't offer me contact info for that one, although I would have been happy to write to her, chat with her, whatever she wanted. I'm assuming that he's taking his cues from the women in terms of encouraging a metamour relationship.

I just wrote to him to say that since I am not his primary partner, he's certainly free to pursue whatever other connections he likes, but this particular connection, I don't want to know details beyond what I need to keep myself safe (whether they've had sex and what safety protocol was followed), and I do not want any communication with the woman. I haven't heard back from him yet but am fairly sure that he did not like reading that.

Has anyone else had a situation like this? I am slightly uncomfortable because I don't believe in don't ask, don't tell situations, but this isn't exactly like that, he's a long-distance partner and not a primary one either.
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