Originally Posted by zappafreak
I got stuck in between two ultimatums. Wow. That sucked. Poly is difficult.
That is one good reason to go slow. I think if you already have agreements with partners, it is smart to negotiate with new partners carefully, so you can be firm upfront and not have to juggle so hard later, backtracking on a promise or action you've already extended to a new relationship.
My husband and I have an agreement to meet any potential partners before we become sexual. Really it doesn't matter if that's a two minute hi, how ya doing, or a long dinner party, but it is the reluctance of a person to meet us at all in general, which makes us OK or not with them being somebody who will be a part of our lives. I know this isn't for everybody, but truthfully an unwillingness to just know the others in our partner's life seems to be a bad thing as far as we are concerned.
Obviously in your situation I would've insisted your gf meet me in order for your relationship to move forward. Not for everybody, but if you think that's important to you (as it seems you aren't comfortable with how your gf did not want to meet you wife) then I would make it a priority with future partners.
edit: I am sorry that it ended. I do hope you figure out what is important for you and your partner so if you go forward with a new partner (or your gf who you've been discussing) you can have an easier time of this. It sounds like you have been trying to do right by the people you care about.