Originally Posted by CrystalLiving
Thanks for that. I am stuffing and hiding my feelings and I think it is killing me slowly.
Whether it's monogamy or polyamory, this shouldn't be acceptable in any relationship. You need to be honest about your feelings, and true to yourself. Never let somebody slowly contribute to your demise by deciding you need their freedom of adventure to be more important than your mental health.
I'd probably start early by setting a schedule, x nights date night for you, x nights you're ok with your partner being out of the house or on dates, without too much stress. Expand your giving in this department as you feel comfortable with it, don't feel like you can't say no if you want to say no. I don't think I'd ever be OK with more than 2 nights a week with my spouse being at another partners overnight, and if it was something he really wanted we would discuss it, but I wouldn't automatically feel obliged to offer that without a lot of discussion and deciding where my comfort level was.
To avoid too much roller coaster early on, it really just requires for us, a lot of discussion, awareness, and honesty. I admit in this, I've never been confronted with us, or any partner of mine or my spouses having too severe of NRE so if your husband is going to be dealing with that, my advice will certainly be less useful if he doesn't see how his actions are affecting you.