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Old 01-30-2012, 06:53 AM
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NovemberRain NovemberRain is offline
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Join Date: Dec 2011
Posts: 700

Originally Posted by bailey View Post
Hi All...

newby here...I posted in the Intro forum.

Originally Posted by bailey View Post
my hubby has a girlfriend of two months... I want to be ok with this whole idea of the Poly relationship.
I'm hallucinating an unspoken 'but' right there. You want to be okay, but you're not quite...yet... ?

Originally Posted by bailey View Post
there are days I am totally ok with it... other days... i dont want to share him with anyone else and jealous of him spending the time with his girlfriend.
I'm frequently jealous of people my men hang out with (and I'm the one that's in relationship with two of them).

I imagine it's very challenging to be at home, looking at all your familiarities and thinking of him ~ while you're knowing he's out doing something with someone else.

Originally Posted by bailey View Post
he does make sure to fill my cup so to say and spend quality time with me before going to his girlfriend or chatting with her via computer, messaging etc.
That's awesome.

Originally Posted by bailey View Post
I know hes in the "dating" stage and needing lots of time to get to know his new girlfriend. how much is too much?
(this is what made me want to reply)

Too much is however much makes you nuts. This is the place where you need lots of communication and working it out.

Originally Posted by bailey View Post
would like to hear some tips and advice. I dont want hubby to get burnt out so to say and still have energy to concentrate on work, family, us and his girlfriend.

how do others poly balance all this?
how do other mono spouse cope with the roller coaster feelings? its perhaps still new for me and gets better with time?
I'm not the mono one, but I think I'm more nutted about doing this poly thing than my men are. [we've all known each other for over 8 years, and we've just recently become a vee. they're deeply good friends]

One thing that has helped me always (cuz I've dealt with LOTS of rollercoasters before poly) is to remember and try to cultivate things that make me happy ~ apart from relationship. Friends are good, and sometimes it's really excellent to be with friends without going over all the troubles. Like someone to come over while he's out on a date and watch a movie or a bunch of folks for game night. Sometimes forgetting the sturm und drang of the work of relationship, and just having a bit of living is really strengthening and renewing for me.

Also, remember to breathe. A lot.

wishing you the best
Love is that condition in which the happiness of another person is essential to your own...
Robert A. Heinlein

Me: female, bi, (formerly hinge of a vee)
with FirstBoyFriend (FBF)(moderately long-distance)
and no longer with CurrentBoyFriend (CBF)(who lives in the apartment building next door)
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