Originally Posted by Carma
Sundance has no interest in growing up. He has no interest in (or capablility of) being honest. He won't try anything wholeheartedly. He'd rather throw our marriage away than try. And here I thought it was all because of my love for Butch! NO -- he was willing to accept that! What he can't accept is that I want a one-on-one relationship with a mature adult. He would rather give up, than become a mature adult!
I am grieving this.
I am having a hard time that while all the time I blamed myself for the problems in the marriage (the ONLY problem was my love for Butch) the problem really is something out of my power to do anything about. All those self-help books I read!!!!! If I could just fix ME, my marriage could be happy.......
I only did my own inventory. I never did an inventory of the relationship. It takes two to make a thing go right......
I am so sad that Sundance will not stand up and be a partner to me. I am so sad he won't/can't. I am so sad he would rather try to lie and bluff and cheat, than just do the work to BE that man. But he has proven, time and time again, that he is not interested in that, at all. I have to do what's best for me. Sadly, it will not be so great on our kids. But anything is better than the warfare that is going on in our home. And the tension, and the mixed messages, when we actually do get along. What a mess. It has to stop!
These particulars are important, for your sanity and for any calm you can get out of the situation.
It's apparent that wanting Sundance to tell the truth, even if you beg for it, hasn't worked, isn't working, and more than likely won't happen. That's something I personally would let go of mentally. He's unwilling. If you can't reason with him, then don't. Just stop. It sounds like it is literally wearing you down.
And remind yourself that your mental health, and that of your children, are priority right now.