Thread: So here i am..
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Old 01-29-2012, 08:53 PM
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zappafreak zappafreak is offline
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Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Seattle,WA
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SourGirl View Post
Sooo the girlfriend was totally fine with things, when it all went her way, and left the wife out in the cold. As long as she (the gf) was on the upper-end ?

Or, did she encourage you to spend time more equally ? Did she ever mention being uncomfortable with taking 'the lions share' of your time ?

I ask this, because currently, your situation as you`ve explained it, reads to me very much like your wife previously gave you free rein, and was very patient while you went through all these things. She was the one doing the sacrificing. You made a common fuck-up and let NRE overwhelm you. It happens.

Now your wife has asked for some current provisions so she can feel secure. You say she asks for them, because she is afraid of distance from the over-nighters. Well, she is right. History has proven that you forgot about her, and were confused. I don`t think it is to much to ask of you, to create some new history before going back to over-nighters. Keep showing your wife, that she matters too. That you are at a place where you are more grounded, and can treat her just as good as the girlfriend. I think it is good that you have had a lot of realizations about things, and want to do right.

I don`t see any harm, in catering to your wife`s wishes, ..for now. There needs to be some room for growth in the future. Those are the kind of things that need to be made clear by all parties. Your wife shouldn`t be the only one brave enough to look for growth in this situation. Your girlfriend needs to give a bit too. While you can`t, and shouldn`t try and force someone to do something they don`t want to do, there is also something to be said, for the kind of character that wants and wants, but doesn`t give much in return.

So,.....you haven`t mentioned much about your girlfriend having any interest beyond herself, and what she wants. Maybe you can shed some light on that ?
Yes, you are absolutely correct, my wife has been amazing and very understanding throughout all of this. Wife did give me the one rule, and that was no sleepovers. I completely understand this reasoning and I am not resenting that at all. I would like to have sleepovers with GF, but absolutely not at the cost of causing that suffering for my wife. This is her "line", where she feels comfortable, and that is good that she is able to know where that line is at.

My main concern is not the sleepovers so much, except that they are a big deal for GF. She keeps telling me that she is not satisfied without them. Of course this wouldn't have been an issue if wife and I had that rule to begin with, but for GF she views this as something having been taken away from her. I think I need to make it very clear to her that this is not going to happen. She is still holding onto the hope that I will decide to do it anyway, but it is most important that I respect what my wife needs to be comfortable.

As to what GF wants...she wants to see me around 3 times a week and have a sleepover 1 or 2 times a week. She wants her own life and autonomy, but likes the idea of having me in her life.
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