Just a quick note, NYCindie had it right. As far as what I found degrading. Just sex is cool as long as everyone is on the same page. Have at it! Feeling you are in a relationship with someone because they can't have what they want so they took you is like being picked last in dodgeball. It sucks.
As I said, I've read all the threads so far and reading them all the understanding you get is that PK wants to be able to have a relationship with a man. To do this, to explore this part of herself she wanted YOU to have a relationship with a woman. That approach was critiqued as not the best one. Later it was stated that you were uncomfortable with her having an intimate relationship with another man, your boundary and that's fine, so she decided she would try with a woman. That approach was critiqued as not a good one.
Finally, the thing about primary and secondary? Please don't be fooled into thinking that meant someone is put into a second place or not as important or even just settled for. Most poly people would be unhappy that is your assumption. Labels are just that, labels, they are short hand for explaining something much more complicated. For many of us, we use the term primary simply because of how entangled our lives are. For example, the person you live with, share finances with, children with, own property with might be your primary but that does not make your other 'secondary' relationship any less. There is no 'who would you choose?' going on.
Each relationship is CHOSEN, we don't just date anyone that sparks our interest or we find attractive. When having multiple relationships you are multiplying the work of a relationship to the nth degree sometimes! So every relationship is chosen, not settled for.
(Yes I was talking in the general 'we' at the end. No this is not true for everyone. It is, like many things, a generalization. Welcome to individuality! Can't fit us all in a box! We are the platypi!)
Me: Late 30s pansexual poly.
DH: My husband of 19 yrs and father of 3 teen girls.
DC: LDR of +4 year