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Old 01-28-2012, 04:19 PM
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nouryia nouryia is offline
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Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 206

Originally Posted by gwendolenthefair View Post
What bothers me the most about being a secondary is having very little input in terms of who else my OSO dates.
Anyway OSO listened politely to my concerns, then told me he could take care of himself and not to worry. I dropped the issue, but I hate not having more input than that. If I was his wife, I know I would.
Well, My secondary has had one hookup since we started seeing each other. Nothing long lasting, just a weekend of visiting and a little 'fun' with a trusted female friend of his husband who lives a few hours away and is herself married. I must say the old mono jealousy made a come back. I worked through most if it myself, and talked with the b/f about feeling insecure prior to his trip to her area. He was very kind, offered me reassurances that we were solid and that she posed no threat to our relationship. She's a friend, not a long term prospect. He even offered to not sleep with her if it made me feel better. I declined.

In a more recent discussion (because she will be visiting this way in a month or so) he actually offered me veto. His regular mates have veto...though they pretty much never use it. He extended me the same privilege...I was touched. Then I turned it down. I don't want to change him and I trust him. The insecurity, that's my issue to work on, not his and the last thing I want is power over who he can be with... But man, this poly thing, it's not easy, lol.
I tried being reasonable. I didn't like it. ~Clint Eastwood~
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