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Old 05-20-2009, 05:03 AM
theque theque is offline
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Join Date: May 2009
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Quath View Post
I am very similar in feelings about therapy. However, one thing I had to learn is that the brain is not a pure thinking machine. It has a lot of biases and flaws naturally. One example is post tramutic stress syndrone. A person can get stuck on a memory so bad that it feel like the memory may be real and all else is an illusion. So sometimes therapy helps push past biases in our brain which may be stuck on feelings or patterns.

It sounds like you have been through a serious amount of stress that you are trying to overcome. You seem to have a lot of powerful associations that bring you back to those feelings. But I am not a therapist, so I can't really recommend much. However, I think it is something that could help you out.
Very true, hence my continued effort to push past these blocks. There are times where it seems impossible. I've been on the verge of just giving up more times than I care to count.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Quath View Post
Yeah, I understand that feeling. It will seem that you have ultimately rewarded her for giving you pain. Maybe it will help if you see that she suffers for the pain she gave you. That may could lead toward some stronger forgiveness.
Right, I do try to focus on things like that. In my heightened state of distrust, my natural tendency is to question virtually everything she does; to examine if it might be some sort of manipulation. This includes a lot of her outward signs of pain, particularly when I am "in it" and my mind has become very black. Those are the times where it is most difficult to open my heart to the empathy that I know I need to have.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Quath View Post
I went through this, but without dealing trust issues a long time ago. It is disorienting, but I think it is healthier long term because they values you derived will be yours ant not just something you inherieted.
That is my hope as well.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Quath View Post
It sounds like you are really opening youself up for a lot of re-examination.
I am, and this is something that I have not done in a very, very long time. I "matured" very early and have not made any substantial changes in my basic world views, beliefs, etc since I was about 15 and turned my back on the Lutheranism I had been raised with. Until this, of course. In contrast, JustMe has changed substantially in the time we have been together, far more than I had guessed.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Quath View Post
Does it bother you mostly to think of JustMe being with your old friend or is it the thought of her being with anyone?
Both. However, to different degrees, and both substantially less than it used to. There was a time where those sorts of thoughts would make me physically ill. (I plan to go into this more in my next post) That is no longer the case. Now the primary emotion when I think of JustMe and Him is anger, and it is very strongly directed at him. More generally, I'm not sure how I feel about it. If I had to classify it now, I'd call it "negatively neutral" in that I don't like it, but I don't feel particularly strongly about it. I wonder though if that is partly due to the fact that I've become so acclimated to such extreme emotional swings in the last 9 months.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Quath View Post
I wish you the best in this. Sounds like you are on a rough journey.
I am. Thank you again for your time and compassion.
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