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Old 01-28-2012, 08:17 AM
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SchrodingersCat SchrodingersCat is offline
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Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Canada
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Originally Posted by Scott View Post
I told my girlfriend that this was fine; he seemed like a decent enough fellow. However, she also told me that he had a girlfriend who was apparently monogamous, after which I agreed with her that helping him cheat would not be a good idea.
Agreed. My husband once met a girl online who was submissive. She had tried bringing it up with her husband before, but he rejected the idea, so she went looking elsewhere, without telling him.

At first my husband was willing to participate. See, he was just in it for the play, he never cares about those "feelings" things unless they're mine or his. I mean, he's not cruel or anything, just he doesn't bother spending time and energy dealing with high-maintenance people unless it's someone he cares about. Oh, and he considers all people with vaginae to be high-maintenance. I can't say I disagree

Myself, on the other hand, thought it was unethical to participate in her cheating. He thought about it and eventually agreed. He met with her again and shared this opinion with her. Then they talked about ways she could talk to her husband about her desires. Last we heard, he was learning to spank her.

Originally Posted by km34 View Post
I have a question for those that think writing is easier... I totally agree that in some cases, it is easier to be clear in writing, but wouldn't it have been better to write out a letter and hand it to him WHILE HE WAS VISITING? That way it is still telling him face-to-face, but in a written way that is easier than stumbling over spoken words. I've typed up letters to Keith a few times when I was having trouble articulating what I was feeling, but I'm always present when he reads them if it is going to be a shocker.
That actually makes a lot of sense.

Communication is hard. It's especially hard when both people have very different communication styles. I don't mind texting, my husband hates it. If I ever sent him a text like the one that opened this conversation, he would probably phone me instead of texting back.

I tend to converse by basically thinking out loud and making up my mind as I go along. My husband tends to keep it all to himself until he's come to a complete and final conclusion and then shares it with me, all censored and edited for my benefit. We're both striving for balance between these two styles. At the same time, we're both learning to be more tolerant of the other's approach. I'm getting better at letting him sit and stew, because I've learned that he will eventually talk to me, or else he'll sort it out and get over it. He's getting better at realizing that the first thing out of my mouth isn't necessarily my true opinion. Yet still, I sometimes get impatient and ask him to let me in on his thought process, and he sometimes gets hurt and offended when I say something less than tactful.
As I am sure any cat owner will be able to tell you,
someone else putting you in a box is entirely different
from getting into a box yourself.
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