Yeah I really hate using the Primary/Secondary labels myself, even as a "quick and dirty" description of my circumstances.
I have a friend who recently referred to my husband in a sentence along the lines of "yeah, but, you have a primary, so it's different."
And this was someone who claims to be of the more progressive poly type.
Yes, I'm married. Yes, we share finances and a household. Yes, that means I have obligations and commitments to him. I also have obligations and commitments to school, to my parents, to my best friend and her son... And if I get into a serious relationship with someone else, I will have obligations and commitments to them. And triage will go thusly: who's having the bigger crisis right now and needs my time and attention most, at this moment?
It does not mean that I have already decided, a priori, that all my future relationships will be "less important." It does not mean that anyone will ever be considered disposable, simply by virtue of not being my spouse. I didn't roll that way when I was single, why would that change now?
“As I am sure any cat owner will be able to tell you,
someone else putting you in a box is entirely different
from getting into a box yourself.” —bisexualbaker
Last edited by SchrodingersCat; 01-28-2012 at 06:43 AM.