You have two relationships to consider, therefore I would go with option one. Feeling uncomfortable is one thing, but denying your other partner what he geniunly enjoys is another. Even if she feels uncomfortable with you going at all, she should consider that this is something that belongs to your other relationship and that you are ready to compromise by limiting yourself and your spouse. This should be valid enough.
Facts: 30, female, bi, v-type relationship with Sward (husband, straight, mono) and Lin (boyfriend, straight, mono), poly-fi and co-primary.