When I first started having multiple relationships since the only model I knew was monogamy I went with that. I told myself, and tried to live as though I was having two separate monogamous relationships. Personally, I realized that didn't work. It didn't matter that my husband and boyfriend/girlfriend did not meet, talk or interact in any way. The relationships still affected each person. If only because of how I felt. If I had a really good talk or time with one, then that energy and emotion was felt by the other. If I had a fight, argument or bad time with one, the other knew. It was literally impossible to have two separate relationships. To say that I had two monogamous relationships was inaccurate. Even though hubby is mono he says he is in a poly relationship, because he is. Every relationship carries over to the other in SOME way.
When I said baby steps into poly, that's how I meant it, because multiple loving relationships that are honest, open and ethical IS poly, even if you don't use the label. (Not everyone is a fan of labels). Not everyone was lucky enough to understand that they were poly or be in poly relationships from the get go. Some move into poly in steps. Some through cheating, then non monogamy, then ethical non monogamy, then poly.
I wasn't maligning how anyone 'does' poly. Some are prescriptive, "I like having X number of partners, so many men so many women." and that's fine for them. Some are more descriptive in that they take each relationship as it comes and not concerned with how many, how serious, or what type of relationship it is. Whatever works for you and your partners!
Me: Late 30s pansexual poly.
DH: My husband of 19 yrs and father of 3 teen girls.
DC: LDR of +4 year
Last edited by Vixtoria; 01-27-2012 at 05:27 PM.
Reason: tried to make it clearer