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Old 01-27-2012, 03:06 PM
wildflowers wildflowers is offline
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Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: Boston area
Posts: 201

Originally Posted by nouryia View Post
Honestly, I'm a little bit afraid. I do want to seem 'cool about it' rather than guilty there. I don't like to admit my insecurities, I feel like that would make me annoying and whiny. I know it's advisable to be open and speak up...but I'm definitely a bit apprehensive, probably because I know in my subconscious that some, if not most of my fears, are likely unfounded.
I can really relate to this. It isn't always an issue for me, but it pops up somewhat regularly. The fact that it isn't always present can make me feel like maybe I should just get through it on my own when it does recur, knowing that I do have unwarranted flare-ups of insecurities. On the other hand, the fact that it keeps coming back makes it feel like a real issue that I shouldn't ignore. And feeling that I can't talk about something tends to make it worse for me. I think what I tend to do now is not bring it up immediately, try to sit with the feelings for a while and see if they subside, and also get a better sense of what it was that triggered them. Then if I need to talk I can do it a bit more calmly, and it can ends up being more of a real discussion, rather than simply a session for soothing my jangled nerves. It's definitely possible to talk about it without being whiny. And really, I don't get a sense that you are being whiny, which I associate with being critical; I didn't hear criticism of your boyfriend's behavior at all.

What I don't get a sense of from your posts is how communicative your boyfriend is about his feelings and expectations. Do you just need him to talk more about them? Does he talk about past relationship so you have a sense of whether his relationships have a typical progression? Not that yours would necessarily follow that progression, but still, his experience likely shapes his expectations.

Also, in that you seem to want to share a lot emotionally, I expect that you want such sharing to come back to you. So is part of your insecurity simply that he has less of a tendency to talk about all this stuff, giving you a feeling that you don't totally know him or understand him?
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