To stick to the facts: I don't see the 'problem' being located with NewGuy alone. He said, he 'offered' to set her free and she didn't want that and stayed on his terms being set as basic rules. She accepted them, therefore I don't think that he is to blame for stating what he feels comfortable with or not, if she communicated that she would be fine with it.
We have talked about the whole mess you two are in already, NewGuy, I understand that you feel offended by many of the opinions voiced here, but please note that most are arguing based on concepts of equality for all. Those voices aren't purely female and they are not picking on you because of you being male and doing this. Anyone doing something this unbalanced to a partner would have received this answers.
Facts: 30, female, bi, v-type relationship with Sward (husband, straight, mono) and Lin (boyfriend, straight, mono), poly-fi and co-primary.