MY Thoughts on MY Blog
Ok…so tonight, I spent three hours reading and responding to posts on my blog of what I was thinking…I missed my chat time with PK to do this….
I now think, “Is it worth it?”
I have been called inconsiderate, traditional, old fashion, insecure, selfish, pigheaded, Neanderthal, controlling, insensitive, possessive, Dom, unreasonable, and unfair…I was told that I’m PK owner and I treat her like property and that my thoughts are meaningless and inconsequential.
Now I know that you may think that I took these statements/comments out of context or that I’m taking this too personal; but I don’t think so…in fact, some of them I agree with..
Here are the statements I made to earn some of these titles:
The thought of PK with another man turns my stomach (selfish)
I should have to be miserable so PK could obtain complete happiness (selfish)
I don’t want PK to have an intimate relationship with another man (possessive)
PK is my fiancé (ownership)
PK is my fiancé and I don’t want to share her with another man (ownership/selfish)
I don’t think I even want to try to be in that situation (pigheaded/unreasonable)
PK told me that I could be with another woman but she can’t be with another man (unfair)
PK is looking for a girlfriend (insecure/selfish) [I was lost with this one too]
I could go on but I think you get the point.
Things that I have contemplated/considered/learned in 2012. I offered a break up with PK so she could be have a chance at complete happiness with her poly lifestyle…she told me that she would rather be very happy with me than take a chance on complete happiness another.
I now understand that PK has had and will have these feelings forever…I now understand that I will have my feelings forever also.
PK lied to me when I asked her if she wanted another man…I really didn’t give her the option to tell me the truth then.
I falsely believe that during the last three years, we have had open communications…we still have a ways to go before I’ll believe that again.
I thought about the pros and cons of all of the things dealing with the poly lifestyle…in the way that we (PK and I) will make or not to our happy ever after…most importantly, I’m completing if I should end our relationship now (get the hurt over for us both) so we both can eventually have the chance at complete happiness.
1) Anyway, from what I have learned about polyamorous, it’s a deep feeling within a person that they may (or may not) be able to suppress…
2) Even if PK does get a relationship with a woman and me, I feel that it won’t satisfy her poly needs…she will eventually want another man
3) I read that a lot of relationships ended after they started poly
4) I have been ridiculed (see list above) for my feelings on the matter
5) PK had been told to leave me
6) Poly people will always try to convince me that my thinking is wrong
7) In most of the poly relationship, someone crosses the set boundaries
8) Neither of us will ever have complete happiness
1) PK is willing to honor my boundary (I only have one) because she loves me
2) I will honor PK’s boundaries because I love her
3) We both will be very happy together
I have weighed the pros and cons…it seems (from above)…the pros have it!!!! Yes, I can count but when I consider pro #2…the last three words…it makes sense to me. I love PK and I will always love her, even if we don’t make it…I will always be hers and long as she will have me!!!
MY THOUGHTS OVER….