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Old 01-27-2012, 03:27 AM
JaneQSmythe JaneQSmythe is offline
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Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Pennsyl-tucky
Posts: 1,616
Default 3-In-A-Bed and closeness issues

Originally Posted by NovemberRain View Post
I'd be fascinated to hear about how an INTJ loves to share a bed with two men.
Sharing the bed is not generally a problem for me - 3 (or 4 ) in a bed just means that my feet never get cold and anybody can get as many cuddles as they need (or not). It's emotional not physical closeness that I find … um, frightening?

I realized when I was writing the “Dude as Uhaul lesbian” line that a similar thing happened when I hooked up with the future-MrS, oh, so many years ago. The second night we were up at college we went from friend-of-a-friend to FWB … and I never really left. I spent maybe 6 nights that first semester in my dorm room and the rest at his apartment (which he shared with 5 other people). BUT, I was in complete denial about the fact that I had feelings for him! (I am, in fact, an idiot). At one point, about 4 months into this, one of our close friends (who was also his roommate) said something to MrS in my presence about his “girlfriend”. MrS just looked surprised and my blurted comment was “MrS doesn't have a girlfriend!?...I would know – I'm here all the time!” (I did mention that I am an idiot, right?)

I've never been able to tolerate casual friendships. As much as I enjoy talking with people at work – I'll debate anybody on anything (religion, politics, sex, ethics – all fair game). When the work day is done I have absolutely NO interest in going out for drinks or getting together for a social event. I want to go home to my “nest” and have a beer and read into the wee hours of the night. Home is where I recharge and regain my energy and my peace. (As long as the only people there are my boys or REALLY close friends – I don't tolerate “outside” people in our “nest” very well).

Our house has a really funky layout – very few but very large rooms. The library/living/dining room is “mine” - it has all my books (over 3000 at last count), musical instruments, “collections” etc. I decide what furniture goes in it, how its laid out/decorated etc. The TV/computer/media room is MrSs – he has control over what “stuff” goes there; he and Dude can usually be found there and it is where we hang out when we are doing (non-sex) stuff together. Dude doesn't really have his own space (then again he doesn't really have much “stuff” either) but he and MrS share the kitchen and garage/workshop so he could easily carve out space if he felt the need (or the “gear room” where we keep all the “other crap” that could be moved to the attic).

The bedroom is everyone's and if someone goes in (not at bedtime) and shuts the door (it's kind of the only room with a door) then it's polite to ask if they want company. Our sleep schedules are rather staggered so the “3-in-a-bed” happens in irregular shifts. Let's see – last night MrS went to bed at 11, I went to bed at 12:30, Dude came to bed around 4, I got up at 8, MrS got up late morning and Dude got up early afternoon – so I only got 4 hours of “middle” time. Poor JaneQ – everyone must feels sooo sorry for her !

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