Knowing what kind of foundation you feel comfortable with is important. It can be uncomfortable to have a need for some kind of certain stability in the form of shared income, formal commitment, shared housing and know you won't ever have that with a person. It takes a lot of trust and even then its no guarentee that it will work.
If you have some of the foundation you need from others in your life, perhaps you can just let it go and enjoy. I hope so, I struggled with that as a secondary, but pushed myself to let go as much as I could. It wasn't enough letting go, but for you it could be.
Maybe there is a boundary that he is willing to see you at if you talk to him about how you feel. I suggest you go to him with some kind of idea of boundaries that he might be able to meet though. Maybe sit and think about what you need and what you would be willing to forgo in order to get somewhere close to seeing your needs met. Then go and tell him your struggles and give him some ideas on how you could feel more worthy and needed in your relationship by him. Ask him what he needs too.
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