Originally Posted by Magdlyn
And yes, I do think you're stuck in a mono mindset. Commitment in poly often does NOT lead to shared homes and finances and kids together, happily ever after with a mini van and a white picket fence. Poly brings us other good things: shared interests and activities your other partner(s) don't share with you, good talks, laughs, and lots of yummy sex. Also there is the potential for much personal growth when one gets opinions and views from more than one lover... it keeps us challenged and taking risks.
Yeah...I fear you're right. It's a bit hard to unlearn after a lifetime of being monogamous. We do have a lovely relationship even without the traditional 'commitment' you mention above. Sometimes it helps to have the obvious pointed out, ya know? lol
As for what Schrodingerscat is saying, it's not that I need to be constantly with my mates. The hubby and I have separate interests, he has a FWB of his own, we are not joined at the hips. I am not constantly needing to "do something" either, I'm a rather quiet person and I enjoy quiet moments. It's the lack of foundation of my secondary relationship that's had me second guessing it's depth and importance. But after reading the many replies, I can certainly say I have a better understanding and mindset regarding what it's like to be a poly secondary