Its hard to come back from cheating. Trust is a huge thing in a relationship and when that is damaged it can take years to re-build. I feel for you.
It sounds like she is trying to suck it up for you and be what you want her to be. No doubt that would have an effect on her connection to you and therefore your connection to her. This is something that needs a lot of work to resolve and it sounds like you are both knee deep in other things to be able to spend time on working on the foundation of your relationship. I think this is where to start before opening up to other men.
I take it you are monogamous in identity? There is a lot of threads that might help sort out how a mono/poly relationship can work and what pit falls they have if you do a search in the tag section for "mono/poly." You might want to have a look at the tag "cheating" also in case that yields some results that are helpful.
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