I't hard to say why I dislike it. I like the one Nycindie brought better. It's clearer, but I'm not sure that's my main reason.
There was a quote from SourGirl
I`d say it doesn`t because much like his other supposed tongue-n-cheek stuff,...the humour is boiled in his own truths.
I think this is the thing. It's a joke, but I feel it makes value-judgements an promotes stereotypes, which I am not sure are helpful...
I'm not sure if changes are needed, though, if the point of it is to be funny and not so much to offer clarity.