Cant we just start over or go from here
F and I hung out all day Monday and we both had a good time. We also spent time together last night and had a good time, and somehow T being over here tonight isn't bothering me as much as I thought it would.
I want so bad to just look at him and say "can we have this exact relationship, with sex, kissing, and sleeping together" I wish it were that easy.
If our friendship came back that quickly, I think that we owe it to ourselves to try again, but that is just my way of looking at things and I'm afraid to tell him how I feel, afraid he will consider it being pushy, which is his major complaint about me. Its hard but I know I have to wait, I have to give him time.
Although I am being very affectionate toward him, and I will until he tells me to stop but he is allowing and reciprocating my hugs and cheek kisses and such. He doesn't initiate them, but he does reciprocate.
I'm also being girlfriend-ish and making sure he gets up for work and still making him dinner and doing his laundry and such. I want a relationship with him to be natural and flow from what we have right now, a good friendship.
I did the same sort of stuff with R when he lived with me, and I have taken the attitude at this moment that if I can do it with R, I can do it with F until he says otherwise.
I'm also respecting his request that I not sleep with a particular guy, at least for now.(Not that it matters, John wont let me either, but I'm not hanging out with him because of F) I think that doing so would ruin any chance I have at us getting back together and until that door is closed, I'm going to respect his wishes. Not like that guy is going anywhere, its been over a year since we really talked and he is still wanting to be with me.
Its weird to hurt and have fun at the same time. I don't really know what to think about that.