I truly have to say: thank you for sharing. A thousand times. This is part of what I dream for and I hope to achieve it someday.
Unfortunately you got the downside of things as well. And I feel pained that I am not able to help in the least, as I don't have children of my own. I would love to tell you that it can be due to a rebellious phase that your daughter changed her looks, because I believe that with that kind of secure and loving upbringing, the harm the new situation could have done to her, just has to be not as big as it could have been. But from your description it becomes apparent that you should remove all of you from this unhealthy situation. I like the suggestion of November Rain. Isn't it possible to relocate within the area of the new work of Brian and Liz?
I am kind of shocked that all that it took for such a stable and intact family like yours to yield and back down was social pressure from an unfriendly neighbourhood. (And I can imagine what kind of neighbourhood you moved to ...) You fuel my fear of coming out to ours.
Thanks for telling us about your life, I am sorry that I can't help with further suggestions. I will hope for the best for all of you. Phy
Facts: 30, female, bi, v-type relationship with Sward (husband, straight, mono) and Lin (boyfriend, straight, mono), poly-fi and co-primary.