Reading RedPepper's Journey, I noticed that recently, she had a breakup with a partner and it reminded me that I recently had a breakup as well; only not with a partner, but with a group dealing with polyamory. I was actually removed at about the same time that another member was removed. I don't know the official explanation as to why he was removed (I saw it briefly before not being able to access it anymore but can't remember the exact wording), although we were certainly in contact before the removal and the administrator of the group knew that. We also both had had disagreements with the administrator, which is probably the crux of the issue. But it's one thing to have a disagreement; it's another for that disagreement to result in being removed from a group. While I suspected that things were getting bad in my case (but thought I'd get a specific warning if things were getting to the point of removal), the other member seemed to be completely unprepared for his removal and even I didn't think it would happen so fast.
I loved to post in the forum of this group. However, as with RedPepper, what I posted apparently contributed to my being removed from their group. I thought I'd include the official explanation for my removal and hope that someone will comment on it. This was it:
We're sorry to inform you that due to issues that have arisen
based on your participation in the group's discussion boards
and at events, your membership in the Toronto Polyamory & Open
Relationships Social Group has been revoked and you are no
longer welcome to participate in the group meetings. We very
much encourage you to look into attending one of the other
ethical non-monogamy groups in the city in its place.
Originally, I didn't even see this message, as I was rather shocked by my removal (I tried to log into my account there first instead of checking my email). So I went to write an email to the administrator of the forum without checking my emails, and just wrote the following:
"Why did you ban me from the group?"
I got a response which was similar to the one above:
Scott, I am sorry but there have been a number of complaints about your in-person and on the board behaviour causing problems for others, including for other long-standing members of the group. Myself and fellow organizers feel that in is in the best interests of the community that you and Steve be removed from the group.
I wish you both all the best in all your endeavours, [organizer]
I really wasn't sure what she was referring to, so I asked if she could be more specific. But she pretty much just gave me the same reply again:
I'm sorry Scott, but various attempts by myself and other members to communicate with you have failed to produce any positive change in your behaviour. I really wish you all the best. Unfortunately we won't be able to accommodate you anymore in the context of this group.
Seeing as how I wasn't really getting any more information, I decided to try to guess as to why I was removed, hoping that I could get more information that way. I also told her that I'd decided to make my own forum:
On Fri, Jan 20, 2012 at 12:04 AM, [organizer wrote]:
I'm sorry Scott, but various attempts by myself and other members to communicate with you have failed to produce any positive change in your behaviour.With you, I imagine it may be that you felt I didn't slow down. I did actually slow down for a moment, stopping the conversation in the theme thread with [Tr].. but then there was the other thread I made that [Ta] responded to. As to others, I can only guess who you're referring to. [Tr] perhaps? Anyway, if you don't want to tell me, that's fine.
I really wish you all the best. Unfortunately we won't be able to accommodate you anymore in the context of this group.Well, it's your group. I admit I was concerned that something like this might happen, which is why even before I had thought it might be a good idea to make my own group. Well, I've now done just that; we'll see how that goes. I assume you wouldn't want to join it, but thought I'd let you know that since you're essentially the only [certain type of poly group] in town, it might be a good idea to make my own. Was nice knowing you [organizer].
I got no response to that final email. So, what do people think?