Oh yeaaaa, the early lessons - right
One of the biggest challenges in learning to love is to learn to release.
Buddhism or Taoism have some good foundational concepts here in relation to "non-attachment". This has NOTHING to do with religion - not into religion here at all.
Jealousy (really fear) seems to be an inherent part of being human and it's probably one of the first challenges that if overcome will change our lives forever.
Maybe it can start as recognizing that despite whatever relationship exists between people - everyone still is an individual person and as such is entitled to little slices of their own life to have & hold. This shouldn't be looked on as a threat.
When two (or more) people REALLY love each other, there is a concern there for their happiness and fulfillment and being able to share in that is the bond that brings us together. Share them when possible - and celebrate !
The "little intimacies" you mention as the "pricklies" are really nothing more than the moment to moment of flow of life's interactions. We all have these moments all the time, with people, the world around us in general. They go in to making us who we are.
They are not something to be feared. They (usually) deserve a smile
In any relationship there's always the potential for fear - the fear of loss - whether it's the loss of the total relationship or loss of pieces we feel are important parts. Being disconnected - out of the loop. Natural but.......
We have to trust - and communicate. If those we love (and who love us) realize our feelings about things like this, they'll be much more likely to try to share those things with us.
Stuff like this is why polyamory is really a challenge. It requires rethinking and reprogramming of a whole lot of the stuff we were brought up with, or adopted because of the society we've lived in all this time.
We think the end product is well worth the effort
C & K