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Old 11-16-2009, 05:33 AM
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MonoVCPHG MonoVCPHG is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: In Redpepper's heart
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Originally Posted by redsirenn View Post

Others - I am jealous and angry. Particularly, this occurs when I think about him with the woman he broke previous relationship boundaries with. This makes me wonder if I will ever be able to be ok with him seeing her.

Any thoughts?
I am surprised by how many people knowingly pursue partners that are surrounded by hurt for others in their lives. I'm guessing it must be because in being poly you care about multiple people more deeply and therefore will not turn away from someone even though it hurts another person you love. I guess it could also be viewed as selfishness or lack of concern for the hurting person.

If I know my being around someone will cause Redpepper any degree of discomfort I simply don't see them. This came up not that long ago where a friend of mine came out for a few weeks but due to a short lived history 5 years ago involving a short and very one sided infatuation/affair situation, I did not see her. I simply couldn't make the woman I love and plan on building a future with feel even a little threatened or uncomfortable for the sake of a long distance friendship. Redpepper is here and now, real and in the moment....I don't work that way with friends or ex lovers.

If I need to I can flip a switch on most people in my life. One minute here, next they are gone.....hmmm maybe I should explore that some more for myself.

I know most others do not work this way however....I think this is called a tangent!
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