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Old 01-23-2012, 06:41 AM
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trescool trescool is offline
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: ontario, Canada
Posts: 59
Default continued...

Anyway, this new year a couple of things came out I was none too pleased about with T.

First off, he hadnt cut off his sexual relationship with R. after filing for divorce with her as I was under the impression. I was aghast at this as they are truly terrible for each other. But besides that, I cant have R. in my life. If he wants to be with her, then I he needs to man up, leave me, and fix the shattered pieces of their marriage. He has been quite blunt with me this is the last thing he wants to do, since round one of his marriage didnt go so well. So fine, he admitted he screwed up, because he really does want to leave her.

Anyway, the truly bizarre thing is how I failed to be angry at this for long. That struck me in some other pieces I read here and I can relate. It's so bizarre how I'm not really seethingly angry about it all, but apparently other women feel the same way when their partner breaks one of the boundaries you have? What is it about us? Is it because we're poly we're just not as jealous as other people? Or is it because we understand how it could happen?

Essentially, I get it. He cared about her for a long time. He didnt want to be with her anymore. We had agreed to be poly, but with boundaries.... the boundaries were let go in a feeling of nostalgia or love, and oops. What I dont get is why it isnt a bigger deal to me than that.

Anyway, the respect with which we've talked about that has been meaningful to me. He has emotionally come to the place where he was able to break things off with R., and I can tell the difference, because she is less angry with him now that their relationship is at least defined, rather than being an ambiguous parting. She's still very up and down about me, but I'm not in contact with her anyway.

What concerned me was that R and T together are horrible, and I didnt want crazy in my life, as one of you so aptly put it. R. was very verbally abusive to me and while I should have looked twice before diving into her life, I didnt. The only option I see now is to not make the same mistake twice and stay out of her life. so thats what upsets me more than the breaking boundaries and trust, that what T did was so potentially a landmine of emotional s*** for all of us; confusing for R, wondering if she could save her marriage, awful for T because of having to break up all over again, and bad for me because R takes out the loss of T for the second time by bad-mouthing and hating on me. So no good.
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