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Old 01-23-2012, 06:39 AM
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redpepper redpepper is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mookitten View Post
He is careful with me because he knew he was my first. Therefore, he knew he couldn't get anything from me...
Really? Wow. Get tested my friend. You should of seen papers before letting him put his cock in you. You were fresh as a daisy and now might of jeopardized that on his word. No offense to him, but really I would wonder with all his "play" activity why he thought that was a good idea to let you just believe him. he should of shown you with pride how "on it" he is. Most poly people I know that are that sexually active get tested twice a year and have papers to prove it. Even if he wraps it up there are many things you can get by going down on someone etc.

This is what I see having just read this thread;

Woman that is struggling with self esteem and self worth issues gets together with a male poly player type who likes to sleep around whenever he feels like (be free) and is in poly more for the casual/sport sex than for the relationships he could build. Woman considers herself monogamous and for that reason is struggling with his pace and lack of concern for her feelings. She asks the man to please go at her pace as I she is just learning and just having sex for the first time. Man says, "ya, no" he is doing his thing and is happy to have the woman because he knows she is a virgin that won't sleep around because of her self esteem issues so he gets to put his dick in a pussy for real with her so he will keep her for those special moments where he gets to do that regardless of his sexual health status (total projection there, but maybe its so?). He also thinks that her requests are ludicrous because his reality is the all knowing reality (monogamy is a different mindset entirely so he doesn't get it or want to get it?) so she should suck up her feelings and listen to him; how dare she rain on his parade he thinks. Woman gets more self esteem issues, more feelings of being worthless. Because she loves him, she stays . He manipulates her into staying with him because he can see she is wrapped around his finger. I don't know how that plays out but I would guess in quiet sadness puppy dog faces or anger.... whichever his manipulating face is, it sounds like he has one to me.

I suggest you look at this thread and this one to see if you can get a better idea of what ethical and responsible non-monogamy is (the typical definition of poly). Really, in terms of your situation I think there needs to be a whole lot more of him being willing to go at your pace and a whole lot more discussing and sticking to boundaries. Quite frankly he doesn't seem interested in a relationship with you the way you wish he would and you don't seem to be suitable for him because you don't want something as casual as he does and don't do poly like he does. In fact, you don't do poly at all because you are mono.

He doesn't seem suitable for you. There is no "wrong" in that. If he is going out and loving all the women he comes across and is experiencing good things with that then by all means he should be free to do that, but maybe not with you in the picture. He cannot change you. You cannot change him. Maybe in time he will settle. You might feel more like exploring yourself in the way he wants to right now, but right now you don't seem compatible.
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