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Old 01-23-2012, 12:10 AM
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Arrowbound Arrowbound is offline
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Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: Tri-State
Posts: 275

Originally Posted by Mookitten View Post
He says I have to accept him the way he is, or else we can't be together....

Oh. So you should be the only one bending and being considerate. Red flag.

Originally Posted by Mookitten View Post
:/ His actions aren't up for debate, basically. If I say anything about it, he says I'm not letting him be his own person, and I'm trying to change him. That I'm not letting him be polyamorous.

And you can't call him out on his bullshit ever, because that's you hindering his 'self'. This my dear is a trap. Manipulation at play. What he's doing is far from ethical.

Originally Posted by Mookitten View Post
I can't say anything about the people he picks to be his lovers, and I can't ask him not to sleep around. It seems like he's already made plans. Because he said he knew how the weekend was going to go.

I just... I don't know what to do.

People tell me that I shouldn't be the only one sacrificing in this relationship, but at the same time, aren't I denying him who he feels he is if I don't let him do "whatever the hell he wants"?

You don't know what to do because you've recognized this isn't right. You've recognized that YOU are the one doing the bending and twisting and dealing with the emotional discomfort. He seems to be mighty fine until you threaten to leave him, which is when he manipulates you yet again. When is enough going to be enough? Do you see yourself getting fed up anytime soon?

Originally Posted by Mookitten View Post
Yes. I have spoken to him. This was the second time. And he basically said, this is what he was doing. And that's it. :/ I have no say in his life, or what he's doing... He just does it, and I have to deal with or. Or not deal with it.

He says I "knew what I was getting into" back when we met. Yes. He told me he was poly. But I mean... People have such vast definitions of what it means to be polyamorous. His seems to include taking lovers (and only telling me about them being together after they have been intimate. Apparently planning and meeting up before that doesn't mean a thing unless sexual acts happen.) and one night stands/threesomes/orgies/I don't even know what he has planned.

And... I just don't know. I have no say in what he does. He'd pick fucking multiple women over having a relationship with me any day. I think simply over the principle that I would be "making him choose".

You knew what you were getting into? How presumptuous of him. You can't control his actions and I'm sure you don't want to. But he's not even doing the minimum when it comes to taking your feelings into account. That's a problem and it won't be resolved until he stops being a selfish ass. Period.
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