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Old 01-22-2012, 09:51 PM
ThatGirlInGray ThatGirlInGray is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Northern Cali
Posts: 552

The problem with trying to work it out is that it takes BOTH of you. He's made it quite clear that he's going to do what he wants and if you're not ok with it then this relationship isn't for you. You even say in a previous post
He says this is what being polyamorous is. And that if I don't like it, then this isn't the relationship to be in
While I don't agree with the first part (there's no ONE way to be poly, but even so I'd take issue to him claiming that his actions are part of being poly) the second part is true.

He may SAY he loves you, but actions speak louder than words. Where is his care and compassion for you if he's in love with you?

You might want to see about getting counseling for your self-image issues. My husband is awkward and shy. It may make it harder to start a relationship, but it's not a bad thing. Above all you are a human being and on that basis alone deserve to be treated with respect and feel cared for by someone who claims to love you.

Also, this concerns me
he and I do not use condoms. But he does with all of his other partners. And, honestly. I believe him. I do not think he has any reason to lie to me about that.
Unless there's a significant reason for him to use condoms with his other partners but not with you (i.e. they aren't on birth control while you are, etc) I would seriously question his assertion that he does with everyone else and only doesn't use them with you. He absolutely could have a reason to lie- you let him have sex with you without a condom because of his statements. Have you seen one of his test results showing him to be clean?

You're right, we don't know him and we don't know you, but from what you've posted it sure seems like he's taking advantage of your inexperience and sense of self to keep you hanging on so he can get what he wants from you whenever he wants it without having to give anything back he doesn't want to give.

ETA: I'm sorry you're hurting, but just because you love him doesn't mean he's the right person to be in a relationship with. You'll love a lot of people and relationships just won't be possible with some of them. You've asked him to change, he said no, so now it is up to you- do you want to continue this relationship as it is? Is that enough for you? Because the idealized version that you want is highly unlikely from everything you've said.
Pan Female, Hinge in a V between my mono (straight) husband, Monochrome and my poly (pan) partner, ThatGuyInBlack

Last edited by ThatGirlInGray; 01-22-2012 at 09:57 PM.
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