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Old 01-22-2012, 03:56 AM
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Arrowbound Arrowbound is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mookitten View Post
Hello, again...

I've recently... Been forced to make a decision about the relationship I have with my poly man. And I don't quite know what to do, and I'm hoping for some advice or encouragement.

Basically, in a little less than 5 weeks, there is a convention. This same convention last year, I met my guy, and since then we've had a relationship.

Now, those who've seen my posts before, obviously know I'm not comfortable with him being poly, and... I try my best to get by, and deal with it. But it really does mostly make me feel terrible. But I love him, so I try.

Speaking of dealing, have you voiced your concerns to him since your last post? Because if you haven't they stay in your head and he stays having no idea how you feel or what you're thinking.


Quote:
Originally Posted by Mookitten View Post
Anyway. This event, which I have loved and gone to for years, is basically his "crazy" weekend. I think he's already made plans to have some one-night stands, or meet people, and just really sleep around.

And... I don't know if I can handle the heartbreak of both not going to the event, and hearing about him sleeping around and meeting new partners like that.

Now, he's told me I should go with friends to the event, so I don't miss out. But I know my mind will be on him all night, and I know if I see him with another woman, I will get upset. And even more so if I see him being affectionate, or taking them up to his room.

Another instance where you need to be voicing your concerns. He has too much leeway. It sounds like he just does whatever he wants and you sit back waiting for the emotional fallout, thinking that's the way to deal. Your foot? Put it down. Stop everything. SPEAK UP. He needs to slow the hell down. Why is any of this okay for him to do? I don't understand.


Quote:
Originally Posted by Mookitten View Post
I'm really at a loss of what to do, because it seems like I'll be hurt if I stay, or if I leave.

There is a lot to figure out and discuss together before a decision can be made. And this co-dependency needs to be addressed, frankly. Whatever emotions you're trying to avoid will be felt at some point whether you sit still and do nothing or get up and go.


Quote:
Originally Posted by Mookitten View Post
I asked him the other night about something he used to tell me. He used to tell me he only wanted a romantic relationship, the sort of intimacy and romance we have, with me.

I asked him if this was still true, and he changed his tune, basically saying if he meets someone else, romance is in his nature. And he tried to change what he said to what he meant. (Which, is bullshit, to me. If he wants to change it, change it. But don't try and pretend I heard it wrong, you know?)

Also, he forgot he made plans with me on Valentine's day and scheduled a rehearsal with his band... And instead made plans with me the day before.

Am I allowed to be hurt that he just forgot about plans like that he made with me? Also, the fact is that he made them, crying to me, the last time I was seriously contemplating leaving him?

Neither of you speak up enough. And he is manipulating the situation by playing on your self-esteem.


Quote:
Originally Posted by Mookitten View Post
I just... I don't know what to do. I really would love private conversation, or just someone to talk to about this.

I keep trying to accept the poly lifestyle he leads, but it's so damn hard when I'm such a monogamous person.

No. What you're actually doing is letting yourself be taken for a ride. He knows that if he turns on the tears you'll relent and try to pick up the pieces again. He's secure in knowing that you will continue to put up with his bullshit because leaving might seem that much worse.

I say all of this not to down you or make you feel bad about yourself but I don't sugarcoat online or off.
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