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Old 01-21-2012, 05:15 PM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
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Stop feeling guilty RIGHT NOW!

Guilt is a useless emotion. You have no reason to indulge in it. You deserve to protect yourself, your marriage, and everything you hold dear, so stop giving into that feeling that you've done something terrible. It just ain't so.

Both your husband and this chick are adults, and they could have chosen to continue no matter what you said or felt, so stop thinking you did it. He chose to set it aside. Even if his choice was influenced by what you felt about it, you did not give an ultimatum. You told him what you were and were not comfortable with, and the fears you had, which is a very healthy way to do it. He took that into consideration as well as his own feelings on the matter. You expressed to him what you needed to, for things to feel right between you. There is nothing wrong with that.

Guilt is an indulgence that keeps us stuck in feeling bad about ourselves, and it only causes us to make bad choices later on down the road. You can choose to drop it and move on. You have every reason to feel good about yourself and your relationship with your husband. I'd say that is what you should cultivate as you move on. Feel the pain and grieve the loss, but don't let guilt get in the way of moving forward and growing.
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An excellent blog post on hierarchy in polyamory:
solopoly.net/2014/10/31/why-im-not-a-secondary-partner-the-short-version/

Last edited by nycindie; 01-21-2012 at 05:47 PM.
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