Originally Posted by bookbug
How she always described it (and not to me, to her husband) was in terms that I just needed a new guy to get over him (the husband). This concept tended to freak us both out (figuratively speaking), because of her seeming failure to understand that whether I have a new man in my life or not, I'm still going to feel the same about her husband and he me, only now with more people involved.
Hmmm, I dunno, bookbug. Personally, I fully ascribe to Mae West's dating advice:
"The best way to get over a man is to get under another one."
Finding another guy who is emotionally, sexually available and eager for your company would definitely help. I am not saying get back into the dating world today, tomorrow or next week. Take your time to grieve the loss of your bf. But perhaps you will be more wary in the future of dating/sexing a married poly man whose wife is kinda iffy about the whole situation.
Your feelings about your (former) bf and your good female friend will inevitably change as you reassess and move on in your life. I am not saying your love for them will change, but ex bf's place in your emotional life will shift as you focus on an ardent, available new lover or lovers. I hope he remains a dear platonic friend and your female friend's jealousy abates as she builds her self esteem and trust.
Love withers under constraint; its very essence is liberty. It is compatible neither with envy, jealousy or fear. It is there most pure, perfect and unlimited when its votaries live in confidence, equality and unreserve. -- Shelley
There's no lying in polyamory!
I'm a 58 year old woman with 2 partners:
miss pixi, my live-in gf, 36 (together since Jan '09)
Ginger, bf, 61, married, lives nearby (together since Jan '12)