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Old 01-21-2012, 02:50 PM
bookbug bookbug is offline
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Join Date: Jul 2011
Posts: 757

Originally Posted by idealist View Post
Hello Bookbug...interesting story!
I think I can speak to this on a couple of levels.
I understand the compatibility issue since I work with the MBTI professionally and I could see how your connection with her husband might have scared her because on some level she realizes she and he will never connect in that way.
I am quite sure you are correct about this. And sadly she didn't understand that people are not interchangeable ~ that he (both of us actually) love her for all the things that make her unique.
Originally Posted by idealist View Post
I can also relate to having a male soul mate that you connect deeply with, but for certain reasons, you can't be together......because I have one. We met about 10 years ago at a convention. We live about 1,000 miles apart, but we still see each other occasionally. About once a year we get together for a week or two and it's like no time has passed. During our time apart we don't even talk on the phone, e-mail or text.
While I would not wish this situation on anybody, it's comforting to know someone knows what I'm talking about.

Right now, they live only about 35 miles from me and we see each other a couple of times per week. While it's possible that life may separate us by distance due to work, etc., it's just as likely it won't. I am glad they are nearby, but both he and I mourn what could have been. It's probably a matter of acceptance.
Originally Posted by idealist View Post
If I were in your situation, I would turn the focus back on myself and my future. Who are you? What do you want? Where are you going? What are you going to create or pursue for yourself?.....and then I would make some decisions, choices and a few action plans.
I'm working on it. :-) It's proven to be a bit of a challenge.
Originally Posted by idealist View Post
Having multiple male partners is great! That's what polyamory is all about!!!
Also- if you had another male partner, your female friend (his wife) might not feel so threatened.
She has intimated that this might be true. I appreciate your viewpoint, because while I logically knew that when she made these inferences, she was saying this would change how she feels. How she always described it (and not to me, to her husband) was in terms that I just needed a new guy to get over him (the husband). This concept tended to freak us both out (figuratively speaking), because of her seeming failure to understand that whether I have a new man in my life or not, I'm still going to feel the same about her husband and he me, only now with more people involved.

Thank you for your insight!
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