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Old 01-20-2012, 09:55 PM
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beginninglove beginninglove is offline
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: west coast, USA
Posts: 69

just some thoughts from my perspective...i think it would be an amazing gift to both your friend and yourself to be able to apologize to the woman you had judgment about. so much of judgment comes from our own fears and triggers, and even if you didn't agree with what your friend was doing, we are each on our own path and have to learn our lessons in our own way. maybe hearing about where you have been on your journay will help her to understand where your judgment was coming from, and maybe she will be able to clarify what was going on for her that led her to make the decisions she did. either way, i think so much energy could be freed up in a conversation like that, where perhaps you both might be ableto take responsibility for your part in what happened in your friendship.

i had a really close friend who totally dumped our friendship after i started seeing sam last summer and alex and i opened up our relationship. granted, alex and i weren't open when i first hooked up with sam, and me telling alex what happened is what led us to open up. not the ideal way to journey into poly, but that's what had to happen for me to finally own my desire. i was so bottled up and shut down that i couldn't talk about it and ended up acting out. alex and i are working it out, but my friend couldn't handle what was going on and totally dumped both of us even though she had been a really close friend. alex and i were both really hurt by this, but ultimately we know that it was because she was so triggered by it all. her own issues were coming up for her so intensely that she had to cut off our friendship. i hope that someday she might come around and decide she is ready to be friends with us again, but i realize how hard it is to apologize and be accountable and own your own stuff.

if you are able to do that with your friend, i say more power to you!! it takes a lot of courage but could be so healing for both of you.
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