Originally Posted by peabean
For us jealousy still rears its head from time to time. Much of it is that my girlfriend often feels we would 'be better off without her' and she worries that we don't need her. Which of course isn't how I feel. I want her, but I also want time with my husband. I want her to not feel angry at me when I'm with him or when he and I happen to get alone time (doesn't happen often, we have kids!).
Wow, Peabean, putting myself in your shoes, I don't know if I could tolerate a situation where a mutual girlfriend gets angry when I'm getting quality time with my husband. That she thinks you two would be "better off" if she wasn't around also seems indicative of a real problem. She sounds like she has seriously low self-esteem, and that is probably where her envy (it sounds like envy, not jealousy) and possessiveness is coming from. I know this question might sting, but do you ever get the sense that she is really more interested in a relationship with your husband than in being with you? We come across so many instances like that, where a women gets involved with a M-F couple but really only wants to be with one of them, and/or isn't actually bisexual. How long have you all been a triad together? I think you two are doing the right thing in talking and working on it, but maybe a poly-friendly therapist could be helpful here.
Sorry for the tangent.