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Old 11-15-2009, 10:36 PM
IamWhoIam IamWhoIam is offline
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Join Date: Oct 2009
Posts: 3

Thanks guys.

I'd really like to explore more of how I am responsible in this situation.

We've done A LOT of growing together, but fairly consistently there has been a breakdown in our communication process. I hardly want to begin bitching all about her here, as i've invited her to register on the forum and get into some discussions and work some of her ideas and feelings through-
Because here's a nice example..
I sensed something was going on yesterday. I asked about this. Usually, I'm met with 'nothing- everythings fine, what do you mean?' At which point I basically use my intuition to pry deeper and insist on 'opening her' or I just walk away which leaves me feeling like I'v failed at my job (keeping and open heart with my partner)
Anyway, I keep at it and am offered the words 'I just don't think I wan to holiday with you anymore'. I've pointed out, that as a beginning communication- that this is the kind of thing that incites reactions and fear and perpetuates a distance between us. Ultimately, it boiled down to her simply needing a period of 'just us' where she felt I was totally for her and not providing my support to anyone else. (A totally realistic expectation to have on a week long holiday away)
So yeah,
as objective as I can be, I often notice how we (ahem, 'HER/SHE') could be doing things a lot better- I'm often saying things like 'remember to use your words', or rather regulalry I simply reply to her with 'squeak' because she is speaking so quietly, under her breath or to herself that I simply can't hear her which kind of makes communicating redundant.

She feels that I blame her a lot, or that I say mean things.
Can this simply happen when someone is being unreservedly honest? When someone is sharing what they identify as challenges to overcome?

Perhaps she was ok with poly and then changed her mind?
It seems absolutely true, that 'poly brings everything out'. It has highlighted our own life directions or lack thereof, just how our communication needs improving, and how much she was living for others- always going along with things, trying make everyone else happy, feeling she snt allowed her own assertions, etc.

So yeah, im kinda venting- but would also love to hear how I might take more responsibility and not have it 'all be about her'. Because even if thats true, it places such massive blocks to working anything out- that I still want it to work out, but need a better way.

Hope this making more sense
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