Got my hair cut today (well, all of them, akshully). Came out to my hairdresser. I love this girl. I've known her since she was four years old. She told me all these stories about poly people she knows. She's been with women for the last bunch of years, I'm not sure if she identifies as lesbian or bi. She was praising me for being open, and I thanked her for being the sort that I could tell. It was just so lovely to chat with her. At one time, her mother was my dearest friend. I didn't exactly end the relationship, but that woman never called me. I can't live in a one-directional relationship. I think she had judgment on me for being with an alcoholic, but I'm not certain. I've seen her once or twice, while I'm getting a haircut, and we're friendly. I get sad about the people who are no longer in my life for whatever reason.
I feel like maybe I have to apologize to a woman I put out of my life because she was cheating with a married man. She had previously been with married men, and said she'd never do it unless his wife knew about it. I didn't like it, but I figured to each his own and if the wife knows it's none of MY business. But then she told me about one whose wife did not know, and I ended our friendship. I said to her 'if you'd do that with him, why would I ever introduce you to one of my boyfriends?' She didn't get it. She also tried to tell me that by doing that she figured out how awful it was and wasn't planning on doing it again. To me, that made her even more dangerous as a friend. If you don't have the ability to reason out the rules that are in place for a purpose, if you have to break every rule to find out if it's a good rule or not, then you're a bit too dangerous for my life, thanks.
but somehow, I feel like since I've entered this poly-ness, I should tell her and apologize. For the judgment I had, even when I didn't act on it.
Almost the entire time they were married, my dad stepped out on my mom. They both had their reasons for what they did (I hate that I know them). But it's always been a hot-button for me.
Thus my statement to my lovers: I don't share.
Quite a conflict and it's all inside my own head!