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Old 01-19-2012, 04:14 PM
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Vixtoria Vixtoria is offline
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Join Date: Nov 2011
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All of my other relationships have been LDR. With varying results. As we are a married couple that were monogamous for over a decade, an LDR was actually the best way for us to move into poly. Especially with mistakes I made. That's another post though.

I've worked really hard this time to be mindful of what I'm feeling and why. It's been helpful in showing me that a lot of that 'passion' and the feeling that I want to be as important to him as he is to me, is NRE. NRE with long distance. Of course I think more on things like touching him, cuddling, and yes sex, because it's not readily available. My hubby is right here. If I want to jump him, it can happen right now! Of course, because of work schedules, kids and flu that hits and bounces around the house, bad sleep schedules, it just doesnt' happen as often. The face that the LDR is daily communication by text, email and face time makes flirting easier. It's like a break, but sure it gets you revved up. I remind myself that it's easier to get revved up. Sure the longing is there, and it's intensified. I believe part of it BECAUSE of the distance.

When I find my mind wandering too much into passionate thoughts of my LDR I try to turn them. Not to forget or be rude but to remind myself, I have a loving passionate person right here, if I'm really feeling up for some play time, then I can do something about it! I try to gather the energy not just mentally, which is sometimes all it is with LDR online or in texts, but physically so that hubby and I have time together.

Stable is definitely what my hubby is, but that doesn't mean he's not passionate! It's not the same, little sexts and flirts online. It's him running me a hot bath right now because he heard me say I want one later. Without me asking, without a word. SO I remind myself of those things and realize those are passion as well.

Turning some of that NRE into your primary or long term relationship is helpful. As far as the feeling of not being as important to your LDR as he is to you, well maybe that's true, maybe that's NRE, maybe there are times he doesn't feel as important to you as you are to him. A lot of that fluctuates. Especially when what you have are words. It means a lot to be able to talk and tell someone you wish you could be there when life's every day bumps happen, but it's not the same as actually being there. So it's hard. Try to remember that it's a different kind of relationship and not to look for it to feed you the same way or in every way. Take some of the emotion and NRE and turn it into your other relationships. Give them a boost. Especially long term relationships, those could always use a shot of NRE to spice them up and remind us of the giddy teenager feelings we had in the beginning when it was all new and getting used to each other!
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Me: Late 30s pansexual poly.
DH: My husband of 19 yrs and father of 3 teen girls.
DC: LDR of +4 year
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