I've been working at loving myself.
Monday was a holiday, and I spent a little too much time alone through the weekend. I am an extrovert, but I am also highly sensitive to overstimulation, so my ideal balance of human interaction is an extremely tricky line for me to walk. Too much time alone and I get a little nutsy. I went and had lunch with Current bf on Monday, as he was at work.
Monday night (technically Tuesday morning, 2am) I had a very weird asthma attack. Mild asthma, but asthma and it's so new to me and had me pretty freaked out. Called Current bf to ask his opinion if I needed the emergency room or not. He used to be an EMT (ambulance person/medic). He asked the right questions, and assured me I was fine, I should go to bed. I had some Breathe Easy herbal tea and that helped the spasms to stop. I didn't want to use the inhaler because it gives me jitters and I'd never sleep. To love myself, I emailed boss (at 2am) and said what was happening and that I would be late to work as a result. Turned out boss was sick also and never did come in on Tuesday. (I got in just before lunch!) Current bf didn't even remember the phone call!
Got home from work Tuesday, and the towel I use to keep drafts from under the front door was soaking wet! Water heater had a slow leak. It had exploded a little a few days before. I didn't realize it because it was still functioning. The carpet was wet all along one wall. Called the after-hours line and one of our nicest maintenance guys came right over and fixed it. He said they'd get the carpet people to come over and do their magick today (which it seems they did).
I had a crappy old box that housed my stuffed animals from childhood (and some blankets and stuff). It's ridiculous that I had that stuff, but I did and it's a longer story than I can type. I sat down to whine at my facebook friends, and my computer seized. I lost it. Called Current bf and asked if he'd come over and 'help.' He didn't even ask why. He told me today he could hear that I was starting to cry. He came right over. He made me laugh and hugged me and kissed me. I just needed a witness to explain to about my old friends before I got rid of them. It just doesn't feel right to put my old bear in the garbage, you know? There were some other things I could toss. The box and I have been through the water trauma before.
I was really happy that I was willing to ask him for help, more happy that he was willing to help. I was so pleased that I was ready to let go of so much of that stuff. I also realized that could be a contributing factor to the asthma was the water in the living room.
Today, Current bf brought me lunch, which was sweet and fun. Then, I went to a social dinner. It's a group I'm in (it's where I met First bf)(same event, entirely different group of folks), they do a dinner once a month. I so rarely go, either because I'm exhausted, or it's too far, or I forget, or I'm actually committed to a different thing. So, I had no reason not to, and I went tonight. There were new folks and folks from the last one I went to, and even someone who remembered me from a million years ago. And it was fabulous food! (thai beef salad).
I'm exhausted and proud of myself.
Love is that condition in which the happiness of another person is essential to your own...
Robert A. Heinlein
Me: female, bi, (formerly hinge of a vee)
with FirstBoyFriend (FBF)(moderately long-distance)
and no longer with CurrentBoyFriend (CBF)(who lives in the apartment building next door)