I *know*, right? Thanks for asking, Phy (and for the advice about knots). I requested that they talk to each, and specifically about this. But I can't make them, and I suspect they're both a wee bit afraid.
The night that First bf and I first talked of this, he revealed some feelings to me about Current bf. I said 'you need to tell him that!' and he said, 'he knows what he's doing' and I acknowledged 'of course he knows; what he does not know is how YOU feel about it. and I believe that would help him.'
When I talked to Current bf and said I really really wanted another boyfriend, First bf, and he assured me (a lot) that was fine; I asked him to call First bf and tell him that he was fine with this. I said I didn't think First bf would believe just me.
They are buds, but they are 'guys' first and foremost. They're not fond of talking about their feelings. They'll do it; and they'll even do it without coercion. But they don't like it, and they won't do it if they have other options. Also, First bf is long distance, so their communication decreased a lot with that.
Also, I don't *know* for sure whether they have or have not. I suspect not. The longer I wonder, the more nervous I get; but I'm trying to not be the crazy control freak that I usually am.
I am thinking about how to check in on it with both of them.