Sorry for the tardy reply. I used to just bury those thoughts too. The few times I felt for someone else I always took a deep breath, and moved on with a few "what if's" rolling through my head.
It was DW who brought things when she finally met a friend who she developed feelings for. Because I'd had feelings before I didn't freak to find she felt that way. I was surprised she felt strongly enough to want to even talk about the situation. Other stuff had been happening in our lives, and on balance I felt I could accept. Long complex story, which I may share some day.
Everything is sorted in theory. Her friendship is currently loving, but despite the pair of them discussing the old fashioned limits of monogamy and seeking some form of polgamy, he is too old fashioned to move forward.
I thought I was the old fashioned one in our group.