I agree with those above who've said that it sounds like the partnership between you and your husband is lacking some things that are just necessary for a partnership. It sounds like figuring out what you want (ie list making) is an awesome place to start.
How to Be an Adult in Relationships: The Five Keys to Mindful Loving By David Richo has some good content that might be helpful in formulating a checklist. I'm sure there are a million books that could be helpful. I bet even doing a google search might turn up some good things. You've inspired me...I'm not really in a relationship right now but I think I want to make some lists about what I need in a partnership.
Sounds like a good thing for me to learn more about now while I'm young and unattached. Whatever the outcome, in my opinion, inner work like this is so useful and productive. I bet you'll gain a lot from making such a list.