Thanks for the thought nycindie, I will keep the idea in mind. Right now though I think I will write off forum and see how I feel. I don't really need any validation or advice. Support is nice though. Thanks for that.
I feel rather battered at this point and know that Leo does too. I don't want any more of that for either of us. I will say that there is a lot I have heard in the past few days that I am left feeling bruised about. A lot of accusations and opinions about my personal character. This is what I mean when I say that it will be used against me and I really can't take any more of that. I have done my best to not say anything in return, but was asked recently to explain myself and why I wrote here about what was going on for me and replied. Hopefully it has helped some, but I am left with the rest and it is for me to deal with on my own I think.
I agree with most of what I has been said about me, but the context to which I agree with it is different than it was said to me. Its been interesting to "see" myself from the eyes of another. A learning experience. I have been told and know from experience that what has been said about me also makes me a person people cherish, and love too. I know what I have said here has helped other sort out their own thoughts and has been a source of inspiration and learning. Especially the stuff about non-sexual relationships. I have had that feed back and it makes me feel like I can carry on here. I will be carrying on here.
Its just that my personality did not blend well with people like Leo and his wife. I am a totally different kind of person. Sure we all have the same basic needs in relationships, but its not enough to say that. It needs investigating and understanding. Acceptance is not enough. When there is understanding between two people then a relationship works as a kind of partnership (I was never a partner to Leo). If there is not understanding then it doesn't work. It seems that love is not enough. No big surprise there, but I thought I could trick it.
I seem to have tricked it with Mono, soooo.....