Most of the things you list sound like things you really need in a partnership. Doesn't matter if you have 10 other partners who make you feel loved and communicate with you and are present in your everyday life, if your husband can't do those things it may well be the end of your relationship with him. This has very little to do with your OSO or poly, other than your relationship with him is making you realise these things are something a person can have in partnership. That you don't need to settle.
I share some of the thoughts others wrote about poly being great for finding what we need in more than one person, since no one person can ever provide it all....I guess part of the challenge now is that I am finding my OSO meeting all of my major needs, but not really being in the role to do so. And that I am not able to enjoy him fully and our relationship and partnership potential because he is the other, while my husband- who can not or will not meet those needs, continues to fill the role that is primary, but not in the ways I want. And yes, it is very much about me realizing which things I can not be without.
Does anyone know of a good worksheet or website to help formulate for myself a list of all the things I want in relationship or partnership? I know I could make this list from scratch but I think having something to prompt my thinking might propel me into this further than I might get on my own, or with less bias coming from the position I am in.
Thanks again for all the thoughts. Its helpful.