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Old 01-18-2012, 12:09 AM
opalescent opalescent is offline
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: US
Posts: 2,023

Originally Posted by polyq4 View Post
ok i think one of the issues is 'permission'. Is he 5 , does he always need your permission? maybe some boundaries are in place, but giving permission is counter to the teachings of poly. You can say things like if you do this it will make me feel uncomfortable or whatever you are feeling, but permission dictates a certain level of control. And he is his own person and so are you. Don't get me wrong , cheating is also against the ideas poly brings but.
Giving or getting permissions is not part of how you and your partners manage your poly relationships. That's a good thing to know about oneself and how one 'does' relationships. But giving/getting permissions might really work for other people who also consider themselves poly. It depends greatly on agreements and how folks structure (or not) their relationships. Some folks have very explicit rules, some have definite hierarchies, some have general understandings, others talk about every little thing. Some go with the flow, abhor hierarchies and generally refuse to have explicit boundaries or rules.

I dislike very much DADT or OPP agreements. They ick me out and I have difficulty imagining a scenario where I would ever agree to such a thing. But sometimes they work for people in positive ways. So I have, reluctantly, decided that I think they have a place in ethical non-monogamy and even poly despite my squick factor.

Permissions don't work for many but others find that way of managing conflict useful and positive. It's not how you do poly but others do.
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